i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
