this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
