But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
