My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
