Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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