You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
