You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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