I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
