yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
