At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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