I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
