I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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