just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize