So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
