I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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