the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
