where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
