He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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