My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
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Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
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Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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