we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
