I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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