never play flip cup with pint glasses
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
This house was built for laser tag.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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