WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
from now on my penis is your penis
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
