My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
