I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
