just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
