four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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