During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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