I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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