I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
