Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
