How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
