I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
4 words: hood of his car
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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