that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
