thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
