I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
