I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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