he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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