There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
