Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
