what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
