you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
