This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
