Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
