And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You work out of a Hotel?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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