Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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