Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
