yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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