everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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