Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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