Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize