it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
