Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
