There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
