hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
