I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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