did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
