All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
