On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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