remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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