I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
