i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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