I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You may now shotgun with the bride
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
