Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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