she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
