I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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