Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
