Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
