I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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