I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
