We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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