You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
