so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
