turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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