the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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