i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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