remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
