I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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