The brown eye won't let me do that either.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
